On 30th August I sent off the manuscript of my first novel to the open submissions for Avon Romance, part of publishing giant, Harper Collins.
Yes, I was aiming high with my first ever submission to what is my dream publisher. At the time, I felt that my manuscript was as polished as I could make it, without hiring a professional editor. Hey, if they liked it, they would assign me an editor, right?
I got everything ready. I pressed the button and prepared to settle in for the twelve week wait.
Last Saturday, I got the email I both longed for and dreaded.
I debated leaving it until after NaNo, just incase the answer hit my aibilty to reach fifty thousand words over the next two weeks. My husband encouraged me to open it instead of worrying over the next fifteen days. So, I did.
Unfortunately, Avon Romance will not be publishing my first novel because, “While this is an interesting premise, ulitmately, we didn’t love it as much as we hoped to.”
Then followed what all writers must experience. I was disappointed. I went back and forth between: “I must be a horrible writer”; “My book is rubbish”; “They wished me luck finding another publisher, but surely that’s just polite publisher speak for go away and don’t come back to us with this one”.
Then I’m like: “No, this is only my first book”; “I took a chance on an opportunity that I couldn’t miss”; “I’m not a terrible writer”; “It just wasn’t for them”; “I can still do this”; “Rejection is just part of being a writer. Get used to it”.
Then that was it. I had other stuff to get on with. I couldn’t let one rejection get me down. I have, however, saved the email for posterity.
As I look back now, I’m definitely over the disappointment. Now and then I keep wishing I knew exactly why it was rejected. Was it the plot? Was it the characters? Was it the writing? Or was it just not right for them at this time? I guess I’ll never know. I’m sure it is naive of me to think that will ever get such feedback from anyone, be it agent or publisher.
I just want to know because, if it’s bad, I want to make the book better. I’m a stupid perfectionist – a terrible character trait for a writer. I want to get it right, even though it will never be one hundred percent perfect.
All I can do is keep trying. I have more agents to query. I will not let this first rejection dictate what happens now. I am sure there will be more to come. But for now, I’m okay. I can do this.
How did you cope with your first rejection? Let me know in the comments.
Hey, Bianca–kudos to you for even trying. My writer’s ego is so fragile it has shriveled up and died from lesser things…like not winning a writing contest when I was in college, lol. Did you have a team of beta readers? I don’t have the most open schedule and I’ve heard it said that authors make terrible betas for that reason, but I’m a pretty good editor. I’m happy to beta for you if you’d like me to take a look before you submit again. In the eternal words of High School Musical, ‘we’re all in this together’ [or something along those lines…]
Hi Lori! Thanks for the support. I am determined to keep trying. The book has been beta read by a mix of writers and readers and nothing major plot or character wise was flagged up. It just hasn’t been professionally edited yet. I may take you up on your offer once I’ve done another self-edit.
I was about nineteen when I received my first rejection. This was about *cough* thirty years ago so I had to print my entire book out and mail it through snail mail.
My dream publisher was Penguin as my book was a cross between Mortal Kombat and a fantasy romance. The rejection was because the female lead was too strong. Based on them (again thirty years ago), women did not hold the position of Head of Planetary Security. Nor did they engage in fights for a faction’s survival. I saved that rejection until my basement flooded and I lost it with my other rejection letters from that story. I ended up tabling my writing for years before I picked it back up again when I moved to the Netherlands.
I wish they’d given me even the barest bit more feedback about why, but it is what it is. I’m not giving up though. I’ll self publish it if I must. I really think it is worth releasing on the world, but I would as it’s mine. 😉